The "L" Word...

No, not the TV show. Love. Life. Living. OK, so maybe the "L" word has a few plurals.

And now anyone reading this is wondering what drugs I'm on, if I've had enough sleep, of if I'm just a completely random nutter with internet access who thinks it's fun to plague the rest of the world with insane ramblings.

OK, so that last bit's actually not that far off...

Basically, what's brought this on is some ponderings I've been having recently over relationships and being in love, and all that. For some reason, a great many of my friends talk to me about their relationships and for some reason I am able to advise them. Which is strange, considering my last relationship lasted all of nine months and has been over for more than two years, so I have no idea where this "infinite wisdom" comes from.

Actually... I do. It comes from observing people. I'm a people-watcher. I listen when they talk, I see how they interact. I'm the little fly on the wall on the outside of groups who says very little but takes mental notes of how people deal with other people. I've done it since I was about 15 years old, these days it just comes naturally.

But going back to relationships... I don't understand a lot of things. The main thing being: how can a person say he/she loves another, but then hurt them? A friend of a friend is going through a divorce, and the ex is using this person's child as leverage to make this person go back into the relationship. Even though it's clearly over from what I understand. Thing is... does the ex even consider what that does to the child? Why use a person, a baby, who has no concept of how to protect itself emotionally, in a situation like that? It's sick... it's cruel. Not just for the kid, but for the friend of a friend involved.

Apparently, the ex does it "for love". Love? I've known love. Going on me, and the kind of person I know I am, because I can speak for no other... I could never hurt someone I loved like that. Trying to put myself in the ex's shoes... sure, I'd be upset that the relationship was over, but I'd be more concerned over the wellfare of my child than trying to force someone back into a relationship with me by using the self-same child as blackmail material.

That friend of a friend is trying to move on, but is constantly being hurt by the actions of the ex, unable to go back, unable to move forward... it's hurting everyone involved. Even I, looking in from the outside, can feel the pain they're going through.

I see it so often. People get involved in relationships with others who... are not suited to them. Incompatible personalities, abusive partners, manipulation... I see it just about every day, and not just on Dr Phil or some lame soap opera. I can't understand how people can say they love one another and then either hurt or let themselves be hurt by those self-same partners.

Sure, letting go is one of the hardest things to do. It took me a long time to let go of my last relationship. My ex and I are friends now, but it took almost two years to get to that point. Even though I knew the relationship was in trouble back then, it took me getting sick from worrying about it and one of my friends threatening me with physical harm to get me to finally break up with her. Even though things between us were unhealthy, and even though I knew I had fallen out of love with her it was hard to do it, hard to take the plunge.

But I did, and she let me go, even though she still loved me. I'm grateful for that. She could have made my life hell afterwards, just like this friend of a friend's ex.

So anyways. The point of this entry is... there is no point, really. Love is supposed to be pure and beautiful. Not tainted and hurtful. Love is a wonderful emotion. It should not cause pain, one should not hurt the ones they love for the sake of getting what you want, or for revenge, or money. And one shouldn't manipulate those one cares about.

Such "love" is actually poison.

Stunning photo by http://msog.deviantart.com/.

To blog, or not to blog. That is the question...

(Bleach fanart by: http://seisei.deviantart.com)

You ever hear about the soulmate principle? No, not the one in L. J. Smith's teen fantasy series, "Night World", but the actual idea of soulmates? There's one story that goes that once, humans had two heads, two hearts, four legs, and four arms, and a whole soul. They were the happiest creatures on earth. The gods saw this and were jealous that they were so happy, so in anger, they split the humans, so they only had one head, one heart, two legs and two arms each, and only half a soul.

So humans were no longer truly happy any more, doomed to spend eternity trying to find the other half of their souls, following one another through all incarnations. But sometimes they do find their other half, and the humans are happy again, moving as one being.

Several times, I've seen the soulmate principle at work. I've seen people who, once they've found their mate, have become so attuned to them that they can feel emotions from miles away. I know a guy who had a dream his mate was in trouble, which woke him at two in the morning, only to find the next morning that she had developed a high fever and a terrible cough over night. It exists.

However, whilst the above story makes for a good explanation, it doesn't completely cover the idea of "soulmates". I classify soulmates as those who always meet in different lives. These can be friends, lovers, and even enemies. Those people who learn the lessons you do, albeit at different times and in different ways, who experience what you experience. I've met one. My best friend who, when I met her, spoke to me for all of five minutes, made me feel like I'd known her my whole life, and stopped me committing suicide that evening, simply because she'd told me she'd see me the next day.

Those we share eternity with are always around us. We just have to keep our eyes open. But I think the one we're always searching for is that person who has loved us through all our lives. And some people are lucky enough to find that person.

And so it was that a girl with far too much time on her hands sat at her laptop and began to type...

I think almost everyone with internet access has a blog these days, whether they'll admit it or not. Well, a great deal of people within my generation, certainly. My generation being anywhere from 12 to late 40's, I would guess. Me, I'm 21. To get technical, 21 years, 3 months, 9 days and almost 6 hours as of now.

But who gets technical, right?

So, as for the person I am... I am me. You either take it or leave it, I've got no time for those who want to change me, shape me to their own ideals as to how I should be... I'm not perfect, nor do I want to be. But I'm more or less happy with the person I am, so that should count for something. Generally, if you have an open mind and can accept those whose beliefs and lifestyles may differ from yours, then generally you'll find me and you get along swimmingly.

Swimmingly. There's an odd word... I wonder who came up with it. I should ask my dad. He's a walking encyclopaedia. It's thanks to him I have a vocabulary that contains words like gynotickelobamasophile (Misspelled - means "One with a penchant for nibbling women's earlobes"), and kakkarophiaphobia (Also missspelled - means "fear of failure". Can you imagine walking into a therapist's office and being asked to spell it? Ye gods...)

So, anyways, now we get down to the very basics about me... Well, you already know I'm 21. I'm a South African, of Scottish descent (not that it matters). I'm female. I'm a lesbian. I read a lot, and write a lot. I play games, I do art (Albeit not very well). I love music, most music, though mostly rock, metal, that sort of thing, but I'll listen to anything that pulls on my soul. I have a dog named Kimba, and two cats named Cleo and Fennel. I live with both my parents. My sister, Bronwen, lives with her fiance, Brett, and my 10-month-old nephew, Xavier, around whom my life revolves. I'm a journalism student. I procrastinate. I don't exercise enough. I can get annoying. I don't hide my faults, but chances are I'll blame someone for them. It's who I am.

A shallow person would judge me all on that above paragraph. If they saw me in real life, they'd probably judge me on my appearance. I hope that most of those reading this are not shallow people, because those who know me know I'm much more than a paragraph of adjectives and family life.

So... this is me. This is my life. Those interested can join in for the ride, 'cause I, like everyone else in the world, have a story to tell. At times it may be confusing, but as Mark Twain once said, "No wonder truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense!"